Play with the city - glasgow

So anyways, The night itself was a blast. The venue was packed with a shit load of girls wanting to be spotted and the atmosphere was very ‘girly’ girls all out to have a couple of drinks and loads of laughs with their mates. We got pissed, laughed lots, bitched lots and got lost trying get home from the night. Good one, do it again?… “ooh yaa darling”.

Putting the weird name aside — apparently the name of some tribe wandering about Iran — I love, love, love my Qashqai; and if you try come take it away from me, I’m sorry but I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

Now you’ve have had your warning, we can get on with the review.

The Nissan Qashqai has some set of “urban credentials” also known as Baws in Glasgow. It is a big beefy boy, but one that likes a bit of lipstick, silk underwear and a bottle of poppers at the weekend. This fruity figure of a man (still talking about the Qashqai here) has the exterior of the Royal British Guard standing in front of Buckingham Palace. Highly polished, stiff upper lip and a big furry hat. This car screams “Yeah I’m not as scary when I’m described that way, but fuck with me and I’ll have your scrotum for a change purse”. This car will give even the most feminine of drivers some great big hairy space hopper balls. The road my friend; is yours.

We have been lucky enough to have some snow in this old Country of ours lately and this is where the Quasqai really let me down. Could I have had a duvet day? No chance, the bloody thing held the road no problem and I ended up in work on time every day of the lovely white conditions. Nipping through town? No probs, switch on the 2 wheel drive and you can nip in and out the gridlock like a Smart Car.

Inside the Quasqai is comfortable, no luxurious; no… imagine the best damned VIP area without the booze and hard drugs, that’s how lush this car is. You have all the James Bond gadgetry at your finger tips. Connect your phone to the car for hand free dirty phone calls. Never bump into the bollard at Tesco again with the beepy beep-beep reverse assistance. Bollocks to Radio 1, a 6 CD changer is integrated via the dash and steering wheel. See what I mean about Lush?

So would I buy one of these city 4×4s. If you had asked me 6 months ago I would have went on about Chelsea tractors and fur coat no knickers Mums dropping off a solitary sprog at school before her morning and afternoon of cheap chardonnay and knee trembling spin cycles. But now I have one, I don’t want to go back to dodgem style cars like a Punto or God forbid a Sex in the City Mini. I’ve been spoiled. You cannot paint dogs’ bollocks in the finest filet mignon and expect him not to lick.

Annnd. I remember thinking this was one of the coolest adverts on the clever box, and now Im driving one of these. If only I was a giant who could kick flip!

He is dead and buried… a more-ish handful of dust somewhere in Ayrshire, but 250 years later we are still celebrating the life’s work of Scotland’s most famous womaniser, philosopher and bard; Robert Burns. A good 250 years hole in the head dead, but boy ‘o’ boy can he can still host a good party! Food, songs, drams and rubbing shoulders with some of Scotland’s finest z-list talents. It all made for a healthy hangover and some fun photos for the album on the morning after.

Held at Oran Mor at the top of Byres Road in Glasgow’s West End, my good self and a few bum chums checked out Burns night.
David MacLennan who is the man in the know when it comes to all things theatre and art, welcomed us all to the night before a choir called The Sirens of Titan held us all in a head lock with an appetiser of Burns in song and Cock-a-leekie soup.

Dave Anderson; another Scottish theatre darling waved a big machete in the air whilst reciting ‘Address to the haggis’  in  broad auld Scots using words that even I couldn’t comprehend let alone understand, before he stabbed a big bag of haggis and dished out our mains. History dictates that The Haggis is borne into the room to the screeching… I mean dullest tones of the  bagpipes and serenaded with Burns’ great paean to the stuffed sheep’s stomach, after the ceremonial piercing; the haggis is toasted with a traditional dram of whiskey. Bottoms up.

So you guess it, the main meal of the night was Haggis, neaps (swede) and tatties with a creamy pepper sauce, loved it! After dinner we had a toast to the Lassies by Jimmy McGregor, a great speech about how much Jimmy loved his women. Reminiscing to a young age when he would court them up the back close in the tenements of old Springburn with nothing more romantic than a poke of chips. Moira Kerr made a reply on behalf of the lassies; a witty speech and a wee sing-song.
Time for desert, the best bit. A Raspberry Cranachan tower with Moustarda of berries followed by coffee and traditional tablet.

David Hayman (the Trial and Retribution guy) made The Immortal Memory speech were he spoke of the charity work that some of Scotland’s finest are doing and the many Scots who have passed but should still be remembered. We of all people ended up with his business card at the end of the night and thought it would be funny sending him some text messages asking “Where do you get those shirts?”
More coffee and tablet.

The finally of the night was Karen Dunbar  her with the nostrils in ‘Chewing the Fat’ reciting what is probably Burns’ most famous poem; Tam O’Shanter. As with all things Karen is involved in, she was a great image up on the stage and got many a laughs from the tables around the room.

There was also a previewing of ten unique and strangely witty paintings, illustrating Burns’s Tam ‘O’ Shanter by the artist and author Charles Nasmyth.

So who was spotted? Robbie Coltrane, Duncan Ballantine, a shed load of the stars of Taggart and River City (I didn’t know any of them) and plenty of others just smelling of TV personality.

Now here is a question for you. What ever happened to moshing? Has skinny tight jeans stopped young knees from bending? I think so!

Anyways, I’ll get to that later on.

Bloc Party played at the 02 Academy last Monday (26th of January) and they were for lack of better words, very disappointing Francis.

So in I went, purchased my £3.50 pint of Carling, “probably the most tasteless tinny crap in the world” and settled in to Tommy Sparks, AkA Brian Ferry, The Jam, Billy Idol and Billy Elliot) all rolled up into one big ball of “granny dressed him before he left the house” cuteness. If he wasn’t 6ft odds you would just pick him up and put him in your pocket along side your Tamagotchi. For all intensive purposes Tommy Sparks was great support. OK so no topping the bill here, but the performance was accomplished and perfect for the upcoming headliner.

Now onto Bloc Party. After the lights dimmed some intense uplifting music pumped through the PA. Building in intensity in perfect sync with the crowds anticipation. Then it stopped the lights went up, the band fiddled with their guitars a bit then went into the opener. Bit of a damp squid.

So yeah, moshing. What ever happened to it? As Bloc Party Blasted out some head banging, ear bleeding tunes the crowed seamed to have a …………. romantic sway to them? No mosh pit, more a sway with your arms in the air congregation, are we all growing older than our years!!!

This was Bloc party’s second night in Glasgow and I think they must have been on the Tennents as they kept talking about how much they loved our fair city. I’m not the biggest Bloc Party fan, but at the same time I don’t dislike them. Their albums are polished pieces of uplifting, melodic musical art and I had similar expectations of their live set. Sorry kids what a let down. Instead of the clean crisp productions and clever hooks behind intense static. What I got instead was a noisy, rough cluttered garage band stuff you expect from your wee brother and his mates.

The man of the moment is not, as you might mistakenly be thinking, Barack Obama (we are sooo over that shizzle), but a 250 year old womanising ploughman from Ayrshire… This Year marks the 250th anniversary of Robert Burns’ birth.

Oran Mor is holding a mixed night of music from Moira Kerr, Jimmy McGregor and the Sirens of Titan Choir, comedy from Karen Dunbar and actor David Hayman performing ‘The Immortal Memory’ to celebrate the 250th anniversary of Burns’ birth, complete with a traditional Burns supper… AKA Haggis, neeps and tatties!

The Burns’ celebration night is on Saturday 24th of January at 7pm, the event will will also be previewing 10 unique and witty paintings illustrating Burns’s epic poem, Tam ‘O’ Shanter, by artist and author Charles Nasmyth.

Oran Mor, meaning the ‘great melody of life’ or ‘big song’, is a cultural centre and meeting place in the heart of Glasgow’s West End. Inside are two bars, two restaurants, a nightclub and stunning private event space available for hire in a fab looking converted church, formerly Kelvinside Parish Church.

The Place is going to be in full swing by 12 dark with a Ceilidh bringing us into early Sunday morning! Im thinking, tartan skirts… men in kilts… and plenty of drams-a-drinking.

Anyone joining me?

We all love bloggers.. don’t lie.

One Ive found that’s sooo fab its worth a gander is - Abouttime.

It is a “Visual Communication Blog” by the Glasgow School of Art which is a place for staff and students to share resources, ideas, seek feedback and advice, and generally comment on and discuss visual culture.

Well, these cleaver clogs of scummies are holding an art event by up and coming international and Scottish ‘wanna-be’s’ in a derelict pharmacy on Maryhill Road in Glasgow…. yes you read right… in a derelict pharmacy.

The event is so Hush Hush that you cant say I told you so ssssshhhhh, keep it secret.

Viewings are by appointment only!

woof

Ok… So I am fluttering my long luscious eye lashes to all you out there with Alkaline Trio tickets… as I cant go.

The gig was so in demand, tickets sold out on day one (hang on till I get a handkerchief to dry my tears) I can only guess how amazing the night is going to be, the atmosphere buzzing with the crowed and the band playing their wee hearts out to a packet out gig as the Green Day-approved morbid punk trio return for their first Glasgow date in years!

So here I am; crossing my wee fingers and praying to the big man up stairs that someone takes pity on me and decides to ditch their best mate and invite me instead to go see Alkaline Trio with them on the 10th of February at the ABC in Glasgow.

You Know I love you, don’t you!

What’s to do a Monday night instead of picking that fluffy stuff from between your toes? How about going to the 02 Academy in Glasgow to see Bloc Party and Wet Paint putting on a ‘must not miss’ night!

Wet paint are heading Bloc Party on Monday the 26th of January at the 02 Academy, if you haven’t been there- think of a living room with a bar in the middle, a bit of a dance floor and plenty of mates and cheap beer singing together the words of songs we don’t even know!

Looking forward to it… The Cat in the Hat says I am!

I can’t count how many bands have been chewed up and spat out into something beautiful by King Tuts Wah Wah Hut, but hopefully I am going to witness the birth of one of them!

Chiodos, are playing Monday 2nd February. Are they any good? I’ve no idea- watch this space. Do they look a bit fruity? Hell Yeah!

Found in Partick just off Glasgow’s West End, I can easily argue that The Rio Cafe serves the best coffee in Glasgow… I mean Scotland… ok The Planet!

Open for breakfast, lunch, dinner and a night time tipple The Rio Cafe caters to a mixed crowd of students, young families, wealthy couples and scaffy shoegazers.  The Cafe brings together the kind of global- home cooked food (yes there is such a thing)  and drink influences you would expect to find in any city eatery, but in a low- key, unadorned environment.

With its retro stylings and traditional exterior, the Rio – part pub, part café – has a great 1950s vibe.

The cafe itself reminds me of my Grandmothers house back in the eighties. Flock wallpaper, brown lamp shades and strange pictures of freaky kids with big heads and wide eyes hanging on the walls.

The menu ranges from- eggs Benedict to pie, beans and chips. My favorite would have to be the fish cakes with mango sauce and the winning Rio salad. Drinks go from the child friendly milkshakes to the adult cheeky,  Jack Daniels.

The Rio holds a range of events at night such as cabaret nights, poker events and jazz sessions. The poker nights are a great laugh and there is a chance to win a ‘poker seat’ down in London and in Las Vegas.

But, and it’s a big but… The Rio Cafe is at its best on a Sunday morning. Then you can seek solidarity with all the other hungover Glaswegians’ soothing our sore heads with a pile of news papers and a cup of the finest coffee in town!